Dear Teenage Diary,
Timothy’s party on Saturday was actually really good even though Noah wasn’t there. I got only one hour’s sleep and that was from 5-6 in the morning led on the living room floor with Cuthbert Gilbert wrapped around me. Even though I don’t fancy him , he’s alright as a friend and it’s not like either of us were doing anything wrong. I woke up feeling totally wrecked and I really wanted to throw up. Denise got totally paralytic, throwing up and everything. She was talking about sheep. I got told by Tommy that he’d always had a crush on me and that he thought I was beautiful – great! Oh I suppose he isn’t that bad, but just as friends.
The party went on all night, and the house was a complete mess. The curtains had fallen down and someone had stuck a beefburger in the lightbulb hole. Even though it was good a few bad things did happen. I ended up slitting my wrist. I suppose I had the excuse that I was drunk, but I’m really disappointed in myself, because I vowed that I’d never do it again. I did it because Sheila was in a massive piss with me, because she thought I’d got off with Percy, I hadn’t, and she so obviously fancies him. I guess I thought the only way in which she’d talk to me was if I hurt myself. It worked. I was really crying and she came up and hugged me and said everything was alright.
I can’t think of anyone who wasn’t slightly pissed. Oh apart from Wilfred and only about 5 people weren’t smoking. Cuthbert Gilbert asked me to the prom, so I just told him that I wasn’t sure whether I was going or not. The house got totally wrecked, curtain rails fell down and someone had stuck a burger in a lightbulb socket. Claudia got in a state about Twigs because he only likes her as a friend whereas she wants more, but I think she understands that now. What Noreen did was really horrible though. I mean she was like majorly comforting Claudia and then afterwards was trying to get off with Twigs and he apparently even asked her to. Claudia wasn’t happy to say the least. I was so stunned because Jim Weak went and he drank a whole bottle of vodka, which he’d bought with him and he got through god knows how many fags. It was a real shock to the system. All the little 9th years that went were queuing up to get off with Raymond it was really sad. Noreen got off with him as well because she told him he was the first person to give her an orgasm without aid from her vibrator.
At one stage I was sat on the stairs with Noreen and I guess I must have been depressed because Noah wasn’t there. Anyway, she told me that she was jealous of me because I always looked so pretty and dead sexy. Ummmm yeah right, that’s why you’re saying that to me when you’re drunk. She later kissed me on the cheek, totally gross. Mavis, who was another one who was totally pissed, managed to kiss one of Timothy’s sister’s friends – don’t ask me how she did it, but she managed it. His girlfriend wasn’t too happy about it though. Sheila spent the night with Percy in the same bed, but apparently they didn’t do anything. She still fancies him, but he’s going out with Bernadette. She honestly thinks she’ll win him over Bernadette, but without meaning to sound horrible I don’t reckon she will. When he was asleep she told him he’d look even dead sexier with sideburns. He, it turned out, wasn’t asleep so god knows how long he’ll be taking the piss out of her for.
I went home the next morning at about 9am because I felt awful. I had a headache, stomachache, in fact you name it I had it. Luckily no one was in when I got home so I had a bath, forced myself to eat something and then went to sleep for about an hour. Sheila phoned me up at 1pm so I went over her house mainly because I didn’t want Mum and Dad coming back and seeing what a state I was in. we went to the gym, but I really wished I hadn’t because I felt so weak and awful that I just couldn’t do anything. To top it all off, Noah seemed to be in a real major mood and he kept looking at these other girls who he obviously knew. I reckon he was in a mood with me, probably I wasn’t paying him that much attention. When we’d finished I was talking to him and he seemed alright, but when I went to go he didn’t say he’d ring me or anything and when I turned back to look at him he’d gone to talk to the other girls. I was so totally pissed off. I got home and jumped straight into bed and watched TV and then made myself some lunch and fell asleep about 7pm with my TV on. Mum came in and turned it off about 10pm. Apparently, I was flat on my back, mouth wide open, snoring.
On Tuesday I had to go into school and do Maths for 2 1/2 hours. Believe me it was completely unfun ad I wasn’t my usual self because I kept making really silly mistakes. I was hoping Noah would phone because I’d decided I was going to get the guts up to have a serious talk with him. So I sat there for about an hour just waiting for the phone to ring, which it didn’t. So I got the guts up to phone him. I asked him whether he was in a mood with me. He said he wasn’t. Apparently, he was going to phone me later. I asked him whether he remembered when Sheila spoke to him and then I asked him what he’d said when she’d asked him out for me. He said, “yes”, so I said, “it’s just that it doesn’t feel like we’re going out with one another”. He agreed. So I said, “will you go out with me then”, and he said yes. I guess at the back of my mind I knew he’d say that, but I’m just so relieved I said it. Now it feels like we’re totally together. He’s apparently working all week, so we’re going to meet up next week. God, it’s ages away.
Noah phoned me up Wednesday, but I wasn’t in so I phoned him back. He’s got the afternoon off tomorrow and wanted to know whether I wanted to meet up with him in Lacock. I said yeah, so he told me all about the buses because I’ll have to catch two buses. I’m quite nervous about getting the buses, but I don’t care because I just want to see him.
I had my hair straightened today. It has gone straighter but the bits at the front are still kinky because apparently my hair is really resistant. They flippin’ put a mixture or perm lotion and talcum powder on it. I can’t wash it for 2 days. God do I hope it looks alright tomorrow.
*All names have been changed from those in my monthly teenage diary to protect the not so innocent.
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Becky Stafferton is a full time blogger over on her website The Art of Healthy Living, mum of 2 and certified Queen of the hashtags. She continually strives to promote a realistic, sustainable and positive image of how to lead a healthy life. When she’s not writing or reading her teenage diary she can be found swigging Prosecco from the bottle, running through muddy puddles, making lists of lists, having a good old moan, scoffing flapjacks and squatting like her life depends on it.